Christmas`s coming

This is the last week of autumn semester. I still have one company article deadline to meet. (“meet the deadline” is really my way of expressing, I want to know if it is right, anyone can tell me?) Since I still have six day (well, should be less than six day), I am not in the mood of thinking about it yet. My stream of consciousness is floating everywhere, except Gary`s assignment.

Hanging around the online shops in UK, all are Christmas gifes promotions. And I suddenly realized the fact that Christmas is looming closer and closer. Even my parents who never pay attention to, let alone celebrate the festival said “Merry Christmas” to me. But I still can not feel a thing. Christmas is full of smell of commercial in China, and it is, to be critical, merely a festival for businessmen. Things are so different here. Christmas is really big. Everybody has a plan for it, except me. And I don`t feel good for that. Maybe I should find out who is available in Christmas and able to spend the holiday with me.

It has been raining nonstop these days and getting colder and colder. The sky is grey, the blowing wind is piercing cold, I feel like losing warm from the body to heart. Where is the clear sky and warm sunshine hiding, get out for me! And I realize that my temper is easily dominanted by the weather.

Maybe it is because of the tension of assingment last week. I pushed myself too hard. I hope after the company artical, I can have a good rest and experence the excitement of Christmas.

Never too edgy to grow up

My left eye feels sick, so does my brain. After 10 hours` (never too exaggerate to say so)drafting, writing, editing, I finally finished Gary`s debate! I can not believe I spent so many hours for just 700words (683 words to be precise)…I am worried about Howard`s China-US article–how many 10 hours will it takes me?

The frustrating debate just reminds me of how long a journey for me to become a qualified journalist, I mean a journalist who uses English. My writing is just crap. My critical thinking is also crap. My knowledge of journalism and news are limited…

 I complained yesterday to my friend that it all because of my age. I am too young to have everything under controlled. Yet Gary`s words flashes into my mind: “I rewrited my first article more than 10 times.” Even he, my lecturer, spent long time on one article. What am I angrying about? “It takes months or years to become qualified journalist,” he also said. I think I am too edgy to grow up. That`s why I am always unsatisfied. One good thing of being young is that I still have chance to change something.

But I do know my problem: aiming too high. It is also the reason I often feel frustrated. Some of my friends are living comfortable lives because they dont expect more. But I am greedy. I am striving (and struggling at the same time) to live a different life. That`s why I am here. I am not sure if I will really be different when I go back, but at least I tried.

As a person who aims high and tries hard, I am somewhat afraid of failure. The good news is I am getting tougher. You always see someone taking the plum without making much effert, they must have what it takes to succeed easily, I will only try harder. 

Fighting, gal~ and Dont be too lazy nor push yourself too hard…(My diligence only lasts three days)

Emptiness

I thought I am strong enough to live alone, far far from my parents and friends. But I am not. I suddently got an emptiness attack.

Take a random look at my room, messy and alien– I really miss my room in Guangzhou… Although it is messy and small as well, it is the room where I spent most of my life. More importantly, I know there will always be someone waiting for me there, someone I can rely on. To them, I never grow up. To them, I always need to be protected. To them, I will leave them some day. To them, I never really leave them–because I always stay in their hearts. What will make me weep in 10 seconds? Think of them!

My course, my future, and even my current life become uncertain to me. I need to be enlightened.

I have been sleeping late for many days. What the hell is wrong with me? I have no clue….

women in veil

“You can never imagine how beautiful is the face of Middle East women under their veils,” my friend exclaimed after his visiting in Turkey. “But why do they disguise their beauty?”

 I`ve been reading a book called “Feminism and Islamic Fundamentalism”, written by Haideh Moghissi, and am impressed by the truth that reveals the reasons for Islamic women wearing veils.

“In Islamic societies, the women`s body generates fascination and pleasure……It is covered and confined……The likelihood of discharge of women`s sexual energy that no man can possibly resist is the sourse of men`s anxiety for two reasons. First, it makes men preoccupied with sexual performance,……sexual relations divert attention from God……Second, women`s seductive power is a threat to Muslim social order……” 

 It turns out that it is the fear of women`s sexual power that makes men impose veils on women. Islamic women are forced legally and culturally to cover their gifted beauty merely because that men can not resist their sexual power. 

Interestingly, the fear of women`s seductive power is not uique to Islam. “In Jewish scriptural and oral tradition,……,women seem to have an aggressive and insatiable sexual drive to the extent that men are only willing victims of women`s enticement. Likewise, the Christian Fathers saw women at fault for causing male sexual arousal……” saids the author.

It occurs to me that there are similar ideas in ancient China. “Beautiful women are the one to be blame for the collapse of a nation.” “Gorgeous always end at miserable destiny.” Also, there are many widely known stories about how a dynasty destroied by an incontinent emperor and his concubines who are usually beautiful.

As a female growing up in liberal society, in which women and men are claimed to be equal, I can hardly imagine the scene that men treat women like slaves, punching them when they disobey, deciding their fates without consulting their willingness–this kind of gender inequality is just like thousands of years ago when women could only rely on men`s physical strength to hunt for food. But Islam women are living in similar, maybe slightly better condition now, in the times that they don`t need men to feed them anymore. The sharply contrast may be the reason that women in veils make us so uncomfortable.

We have to admit, however, that it is still a men dominant world. I can`t help wondering, what makes women and men so different? Physical structure! Women are gifted to give birth to babies. Since we are still mammalia, although we are in the top of biome pyramid, female are supposed to be responsible for raising children by natural. And since men are physically stronger and have nothing else to contribute to raising children, expect for the sperm, they are able to focus on hunting for food initially, and then they have power to distribute the food, which entitles them to stand higher in hierachy later until now.

Maybe things will change once the men are able to become pregnant.

My first post in English blog–When I was younger…

Big eyes hidden under glasses…

When I was young, I mean, younger, I didn`t have problems with my eyes, I saw the world clearly, I know my parents and friends well, I believe one coin has only one side.

As I grew up a little bit, my eyes started to fail me. I had to put on the glasses so that I could see through the world better. I was often confused by my eyes. I then know the world is not purely black and white. It can be interpretated by any means. I need to judge by my mind.

Now I occasionally put on my contact lense, which makes me look like a I- don`t- have- eye-problem person, I am trying to figure out what the world really means to me. I wish I could act like a person who truly has no eye problem.

What was I in the picture thinking at that time? Even the person who took it don`t know. And I was too young to remember anything. The face looks cynical; I am definetly not though.