Thanks to my friends, who are all very considerate and nice to me, I had a most impressive birthday, which makes me really want to burst out my thankfulness to them.

 I was a bit upset when I was told by my friends that they could not make it to my birthday dinner. I really don`t want to be a pathetic lonely birthday girl in this continent, far away from home. But then it turned out to be a surprise birthday celebration. I got lots of unexpected gifts; I got calls from friends who I was quite surprised that they remembered my birthday; I even had a home made birthday cake with my name on it!

I am always the lucky one who are given care and love. I was so surprised that my friends remembered my birthday because I am such a heartless girl in terms of not able to memerise my friends` birthday and not show my care a lot. I`ve been receiving so much without offering enough.

Thanks for your time and effort to make dinner, make birthday cake, make the shining ear rings, make the shell necklace and writing my birthday card, so that I am the most happy birthday girl tonight. I am really spoiled by you gals! There is nothing I can do for you, I just can say: THANK YOU GALS!

Lately I have been stuffed with production. Sometimes it really bothers me a lot. I then realized that the difficulties and problems that I am facing are far beyond my imagination. Low spirits has been baffled me these days. Sigh….

Hang in there! Just take a day off and think about everything you need to consider.

“Home”

Micheal Buble
Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
MmmmmmmmMaybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Babe I miss you, you know And I`ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
I`m fine baby, how are you??but Well I would send them but I know that it`s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Today my friend asked me if we are too stressful. I couldn`t quite understand why she suddenly asked me a question like that. But I do feel a little bit depressed, not because that I can not follow the courses but I didn`t manage to do it better when I can. Yes. I caught myself that the reason for me to feel stressful is that I am not working hard enough.

To be honest, I don`t think I am a desperate-to-work-hard type from the first day of school, not until the legendary last year in senior middle school when I prepared for the university entrance exam. As you may know, the university entrance exam is such a big deal for the young people in China that many of us see it as the first turning point in our lives–key university is a guarantee of smart brains, better capability and therefore decent jobs. 

My memory of that year is somewhat vague now–it was such an torturous experience that my mind choose to forget it. Get up at 6 am and go to bed at 1 am everyday; all we do in a day is study, study and study; all (nearly all) of the spare time is contributed to memorizing, exercise and tests; our only aim and solitary goal at that year is higher score. I feel like exhausting all my buget of hard working in my whole life in that year.

It is absolutely not a pleasant experience, but strangely, I am now kind of miss the desperate me at that time. I blame myself for not working hard enough sometime. I don`t know if it is because of I am a Chinese, I feel very guilty for not studying hard, especially when I study here, overseas. I am study for nobody but myself. I should have taken more responsibility on my shoulder and done better. 

Human beings are prone to live a comfortable life, we spontaneously avoid the pressure in front of us. Shamfully, I often indulge myself of not working hard with an excuse of “no need to push yourself to be excellent”. True. I may feel better with such an excuse when I fail, but sounds more like a loser. So why not work hard and fail honorablely?

Luckily, there are almost ten days for me to think about how to work hard and work smartly in the future. I felt sad to stay here for Christmas a minute ago, but now I am stuffed of plans for study. Sometimes study is one man job, you need to be calm and “lonelyness-proof” to absorb knowledge, like what I did in the last year of senior middle school.

Working hard or not? We all know the answer.

My left eye feels sick, so does my brain. After 10 hours` (never too exaggerate to say so)drafting, writing, editing, I finally finished Gary`s debate! I can not believe I spent so many hours for just 700words (683 words to be precise)…I am worried about Howard`s China-US article–how many 10 hours will it takes me?

The frustrating debate just reminds me of how long a journey for me to become a qualified journalist, I mean a journalist who uses English. My writing is just crap. My critical thinking is also crap. My knowledge of journalism and news are limited…

 I complained yesterday to my friend that it all because of my age. I am too young to have everything under controlled. Yet Gary`s words flashes into my mind: “I rewrited my first article more than 10 times.” Even he, my lecturer, spent long time on one article. What am I angrying about? “It takes months or years to become qualified journalist,” he also said. I think I am too edgy to grow up. That`s why I am always unsatisfied. One good thing of being young is that I still have chance to change something.

But I do know my problem: aiming too high. It is also the reason I often feel frustrated. Some of my friends are living comfortable lives because they dont expect more. But I am greedy. I am striving (and struggling at the same time) to live a different life. That`s why I am here. I am not sure if I will really be different when I go back, but at least I tried.

As a person who aims high and tries hard, I am somewhat afraid of failure. The good news is I am getting tougher. You always see someone taking the plum without making much effert, they must have what it takes to succeed easily, I will only try harder. 

Fighting, gal~ and Dont be too lazy nor push yourself too hard…(My diligence only lasts three days)

I thought I am strong enough to live alone, far far from my parents and friends. But I am not. I suddently got an emptiness attack.

Take a random look at my room, messy and alien– I really miss my room in Guangzhou… Although it is messy and small as well, it is the room where I spent most of my life. More importantly, I know there will always be someone waiting for me there, someone I can rely on. To them, I never grow up. To them, I always need to be protected. To them, I will leave them some day. To them, I never really leave them–because I always stay in their hearts. What will make me weep in 10 seconds? Think of them!

My course, my future, and even my current life become uncertain to me. I need to be enlightened.

I have been sleeping late for many days. What the hell is wrong with me? I have no clue….

Big eyes hidden under glasses…

When I was young, I mean, younger, I didn`t have problems with my eyes, I saw the world clearly, I know my parents and friends well, I believe one coin has only one side.

As I grew up a little bit, my eyes started to fail me. I had to put on the glasses so that I could see through the world better. I was often confused by my eyes. I then know the world is not purely black and white. It can be interpretated by any means. I need to judge by my mind.

Now I occasionally put on my contact lense, which makes me look like a I- don`t- have- eye-problem person, I am trying to figure out what the world really means to me. I wish I could act like a person who truly has no eye problem.

What was I in the picture thinking at that time? Even the person who took it don`t know. And I was too young to remember anything. The face looks cynical; I am definetly not though.